Did u ever know what u had to do even though the very thought of going through with it brought tears to ur eye?

i have a bf that is 14 we live soo far away and idk if ill be ever able to see him he wants to go in the army after high school and i have a fear that he wont come back and im 16 and will be going to college when i graduate to be a counsleor he is in 9th grade im in 11th i want someone to be there for him and him to experience love and i dont want to rob him from him youth but im really in love with him he has helped me through alot of susidal attempts and im there for him on the phone im just now starting to heal over my ex of 8 months idk what i should do hang on or let him free ugh help me